Best Restroom Poems

strange name for a pet yeah?
but that's what I call it
and it knows its name
so we get along OK
...

I'd seen her in the pub from time to time -
shortish height, slightly awkward jerky movements
not quite to be called boyish
like her haircut,
...

i stand before...you
as you ignore.....me
laying on the sofa, just watching t.v.
alone on the couch, as usual
...

Me, I prefer a long tale
with a happy ending,
said the python
glancing at the
...

I encountered one day
in a little café
a chum from days gone by,
and oh, what a treat
...

I’ve started a 'showcase' on my PoemHunter site,
which is NOT a contest; it’s no arena for a fight,
but instead a place where once a month I shall post..
a poem* from you, a PH member, which you’d like read most.
...

Graduation Day was today after school
school got out early
all of the future Freshmen
had to report to the High School Gymnasium
...

Restroom

restroom
not a room to rest
...

One mic... one shot.
One chance at 'make or break'
One shot to get your voice out
One.... more minute please as I sit and let my breath out.
...

If someone is at my home and they need to piss
Whether they are a mister or a miss,
Maybe it's my father or my mother or my brother or sis
To allow them to use my toilet, I will not ever dismiss.
...

...

The sounds coming from the employee restroom.
Made the employees still like stone.
Because of Kristoff's extremely loud groans.
He sounded like he was in pain.
...

November 9th of this year while the International Space Station swayed
2 Cosmonauts took a spacewalk and history was made.
...

Came across the acronym RAS, looked
it up, time dilation - I stood transfixed by
the delight of what I came across:
...

get up from bed
use the restroom
go downstairs for breakfast
run to get the phone
...

There was one point in my life
when I was doing nothing but bad
the worst thing that came out of it
were the experiences that I had.
...

I still feel
his scent
lingering on my skin
when I close my eyes.
...

He passes through the room like a bubble in champagne, unattached, teflon coated, and somehow freer than the rest of us. "Jordies here, " Leong says in an excited whisper.

"Yeah, " I sigh, adjusting my mask, "saw him." She smiles like a cat behind hers. Leong knows I'm crushing on Jordie and she finds it delicious information which she waves at me like a flag whenever he's around.
...

He was in Walmart and already in a rut.
When the store camera caught him scratching his butt.
He was scratching loud by the food.
And the customers thought that he was rude.
...

We have a drop-off problem in America.
We must decide which restroom
one can use when nature beckons.
So far, tumult reigns among the people.
...

As we know, sometimes we can see the big picture by peeking through a keyhole. And in America today perhaps we can see better the state of innocence among young children by looking at a recent incident in middle America.

A retired grammar school teacher, Thomas Thacker, is surprised at how "worldly" children are these days.
...

Slipping away is the time; seconds pass slowly like a racing tortoise
The clock never seemed to be less alive, dead
Is it true about, just a mechanism of illusion
To see a man frantically panicking
...

He was in the local bar restroom taking a piss.
When the urinal he happen to miss.
His piss landed on another bar patron's feet.
And his butt the patron wanted to beat.
...

The elephant trainer had to go to the restroom.
So he let Sally the elephant babysit his little girl for a minute.
He knew that his little girl would be safe.
No one would bother her.
...

He was on a long road trip.
And he stopped at a gas station to take a piss.
The attendant told him that he couldn't use the restroom.
It was off limits because of the virus.
...

The restroom has nice toilet paper.
That will not scratch his rump.
It is a good place for taking big dumps.
It doesn't smell too bad.
...

He had to use the restroom while in a store.
And the store clerk said no.
He told the clerk I really have to go.
Or I might piss on the floor.
...

expressive
indecisive
repulsive
corrupt
...

Phat chance! Phish phophy! Bull Stool!
And Folks… Leave politics da phuuck…
out of this discussion! Not one human
life… is worth you, or any other mfer'
...

My Heart Was Saying One Thing, My Mind Another...

Some things you just know — like the feeling I get when looking at my children or the way I felt the first time I looked into the Grand Canyon. Some experiences are too strong for reason or words. There are some things, that even though they defy all conventional wisdom in your heart and your mind — you just know.
...

oh! we were waiting
for our turn to come
America is too slow
whatever they're doing
...

I was in one of these restroom
I wash my hands after each use
then I put my hand under blower
that stir everything around me
...

Atop that ridge live Inuit
Drinking and smoking weeds
No longer speak of tribal adage
No longer raise reindeer for sausage
...

i turn my bed sheet into red rose
not sure where it came; my nose
i didn't feel no pain nor discomfort
went to restroom breath hard none
...

Rictameter poem
syllables 2-4-6-8-10
and return.
...

and when you close your eyes again
it only grows larger.
does not that ridge on the horizon
resemble unseen breath.
...

One day when we were shopping,
I really had to pee,
so Mom and I went looking
for a restroom just for me.
...

The known hawks pounce by and blame me,
They nag of my faith and my books.
The final scud of light seizes back for me,
It hurls my rendering after the break
...

His soul slipped out of his body
and soared to God
as his body slipped into
the men's restroom.
...

Freedom of you has been hijacked
In a country where you would get
No water free, no restroom free
And no place to sleep on free of cost.
...

Is the jail a retreat
for the hired hooligans
to escape from revenge
and revive their trade later?
...

Balcony and sky

Small is my place;
For myself with thousands of heroes and villains
...

World wants new boss
Olds are torn, rotten, teeth broken
New this reality too hot yet too close
To your restroom
...

I went to a Catholic hospital, but not for a day of rest
I went there instead to take a stress test,
They stuck me with a needle and then shaved my chest
So, then began my hours on a cardiovascular quest.
...

I read the paper when I want to read about the news,
But, when I want to read gossip about the ones who need to accuse,
I head to a local store or gas station and then I head to the toilet stall,
There I will look and I read what, is written upon the restroom wall.
...

They cry, "it's indecent and a sin"
When a woman goes in a bathroom labeled for men,
And it's awful and worse I do assume
if a man ever enters inside a ladies restroom.
...

Being informative and not being cruel
What restroom should she use when her bladder is full,
What if the men's restroom is unoccupied
For her need shouldn't she be allowed entrance inside.
...

Something like
NO PARKING
Is poetic to me
You are a soul
...

the giant mushroom
that mankind grows on
the sea
...

a house is built
made of bricks, red as blood
at the center of the island
black as a mole
...

a house is built
made of bricks, red as blood
at the center of the island
black as a mole
...

As I waited
Through the afternoon
In the Intensive Care section
Of the hospital,
...

Every public restroom has writings
Where?
On the walls of course.
Where else would one write?
...

If you want to find me,
I’ll soon be selling fireworks under
The desert sun,
Even if I am dying, out of water,
...

Racists will always deny their contempt,
With the keeping of people reminded...
That one's appearance,
To them makes no difference.
...

For decades.
'D' With 'cades'...
Decades!
The homeless and those hungry,
...

I am not alone in consciousness.
With many who are also aware,
Of what does...
And what for them,
...

Could you survive,
Without a back to ride on?
No.
I don't think so.
...

What has become to be made acceptable,
As a part of everyday life to live?
Is the saying of one thing understood to be meant,
To then do another.
...

I remember when I was dating!
This revelation should expose one thing...
I take a pride in my memory!
...

Only fools will allow,
Malicious gossip to overhear.
Then spread it to whisper,
In other ears.
...

If I had not taken chances,
To adventure and explore...
This life to know it as mine,
I would find excuses to make...
...

For weeks we planned, finally some time to unwind,

A vacation dreamed of, a time just to relax.
...

The stench of the room
was that of spoiled raw fish.
Everyone was looking around,
searching for its host.
...

Chapter 31


*meet the parents + evil plan*
...

Whizzing poles made strange wind-tunes
Cool gusts from windows glided over my face
Coveted seat reserved with effort
On journey doze, can't waste even a minute!
...

Deliberate late morning wake
sauntering lazily to the restroom
emptying my bowel of the residue of night before
while listening to Nimyel on Rhythm
...

So your the smart type
bookish in every right.
In science they created a letter
before A to give you a grade.
...

Cell phones to the right,
Cell phones to the left,
Cell phones, cell phones,
everywhere I look.
...

I’m a spoiled child, my dad is Bill
Our kingdom great, we masters of thrill…
My conception on a desktop, in a hard wheezing disk;
My delivery, through a window, dodging swine-virus risk;
...

Brain Dead

Beyond the flat line
I am awake
...

A place filled with people,
A horrid place to work,
A place filled with food of all sorts,
Where no one knows where it's been.
...

I awake in my own bedroom,
Have I been in here before?
I need to use the restroom,
But I cannot find the door.
...

To the curve and home stretch we turn
As with my son we walk, leisurely, our streets
So too, the long day wane, coming on twilight
And the sun move to rest behind the surrounding hills
...

Sweet perfection in art and love
...

We stepped out the limo
To a lobby and flashing lights
Champagne glasses
Utensils to the right
...

...

I call it a holiday,
You call it a vacation.

I call it a boot,
...

Its all in the head.
The source of all power.
The ability to develop.
The mind, the forehead.
...

22

I never formally met Tim Coglin, he just sort of appeared
He had taken this class before, they appointed him the teacher's assistant
...

She's the girl no one liked in school
Kids would tease her and call her horrible
Names thinking they were cool.
She never had a lot of money and had to wear the same
...

Under a late summer sky,
I laid upon a concrete bench
Next to a building
In a town
...

The laundry meets me at the door and the bedding still on the floor,
stench running from our kitchen greets us by the gate.
I want to use the restroom but my call has to wait as she sit in that bowl.
Chatting? no; flirting with my best male friends?
...

We are of the people, by the people and for the people,
Yes, we eat people's money, making them beg,
We're sheltered under the restroom's roof of the corporate:
Our mustache is groomed; beard trimmed
...

In a room full of people
All of them faces that I know
hearing stories I've heard many times before,
but embellished more each time.
...

A luscious babe, struts insidiously
Amongst the band
Roadie?
We think not
...

Little messages on the wall,
Telling secrets to one and all,
Of love and laughter in the hall,
This place to come and have a ball.
...

Feeling like the post-man, with walkie-talkie in hand.
Making my round's, as I look and stand.
Thinking to myself, it a microwave-oven day.
It muggy, sun-blazing, I need some shade, and stay out the way.
...

Sneaking in Mrs. Melly's old attic
We'd find incredible things
And when her pesky dog would snitch
We'd flee
...

She senses a gold mine
In a lonely widower
Not knowing his estate
Will be his heirs'.
...

I cried on the first day of school.
I felt like a fool, on the first day of school.
Dad made up words, a bit like Pig Latin.
The teacher held up a picture of a monkey.
...

A Sequel to "Nine Hundred Miles"

Note: It is helpful to read my first poem 'Nine Hundred Miles' first and then this one, since it is a sequel. Thanks!
...

Gospel Tidbit..........GOD IS WATCHFUL OF OUR HEART

I have been praying for an older friend of mine that he might come to know the Lord.....I often ask him out to church services but he kindly declines....One week I asked him to come out for the pre-service breakfast time.........He said that he wouldn't mind coming to the breakfast, but as far as the church part goes, well I could forget that......I still said, sure that is fine with me Nick....If you would like you only have to stay for the breakfast time..thinking that maybe if he would come to the breakfast that he quite possibly would wind up attending church (oh wouldn't that be great) . Well that Sunday morning came and I went and picked up Nick and brought him to the service.....Sure enough, he stayed and had breakfast and had some chit chat with other of the folks there but when it came time for everyone to head over to the other side for church (our gymnasium is joined) separated by long curtains he declined, even after some very friendly persuasion on my part, I mean very friendly persuasion.. Oh well I thought, him coming to just a early hour breakfast was a good place to start...At least it broke the ice and he got to know a few folks...Praise the Lord for that....Over the past couple of years I have been gently plodding away at him to come out to the services but no.................he won't budge from his stance! You might have known and are still praying for some folk like that as well eh. Well, a few weeks ago our pastor shared that there would be a men's breakfast at a neighbouring church. I mentioned this to Nick during the week and asked if he would like to attend....Seeing that he had already attended an early morning breakfast and enjoyed it, he consented to come along with me on an early Saturday morning......Before that transpired however, another Christian friend of mine called and asked if I and my son would like to come out to a men's retreat at a nearby bible camp for the weekend. I answered, sure we would love to come........I mentioned to my son about the invitation and he said, sure dad I would be interested in coming. Then I thought, I will call Nick and see if he would like to come out for the weekend with us as well.. I gave him a call with that request and he said that he would think it over...........him usually thinking it over, usually means no! In his creativeness, which he seems to have a lot of, he called back shortly thereafter to decline. I said think it over and we would still love for you to come...He said alright but no I don't think that I will be going......Well, to complicate matters more, one of my other sons had asked if I would drive him and his girlfriend up to Calgary. I consented and didn't get back until late friday evening.....As it was too late to go out to the bible camp and sign in.. I thought well, me and my son will sign in tomorrow morning...Tomorrow morning came and my son who was to come along with me to the bible camp wasn't feeling up to snuff.. I thought, well I will give him a few hours and he could probably change his mind...That change of mind didn't happen.......In the meantime back at the ranch......My son whom I had taken up to calgary called and asked if I could now come back in to pick him up.. I said sure and had asked Nick if he would like to come along for the ride......Here I could have taken him up to the neighbouring town for the men's breakfast if I had known how things we going to play out, but, then you never know how things are going to play out at times, do we....Upon arriving in Calgary and trying to make contact with my son, we found that he and his girlfriend were at a neighborhood mall (through a conversation with her father) . We drove to the mall and were unable to find them....Not wanting to detain Nick any longer.....I said, we may as well head home Nick. He said no, If we are up here this far we may as well wait until they contact us as it would be foolish to have to drive all the way out to Champion again and then have to come back in......I agreed with his thoughts in that case........I said, well then. lets go and grab a coffee (Tim Horton's of course) . He said that he had to use the restroom facilities as well anyways.......Upon arriving at the coffee shop, I said well, let's go through the drive through because it is really busy in there and there is a spot close by that has excellent restroom facilities.. He said, sure let's go there......Those better restroom facilities was at a local church (seating of around 2500) that had a Saturday evening church service. It was around the exact time that the service was about to begin.....Thinking wouldn't it be wonderful if we could sit in on the evening service, but quickly dismissing that thought, knowing Nick's attitude. I said, I will let you out here Nick and I will go and park the car.......He said sure and jumped out...I found a parking spot and entered the building. The service was already in progress and some people were milling around in the common area watching the church time on t.v. monitors. I could see that Nick had found the restroom facility as he was nowhere in sight...I moseyed on over to the double doors which we open and began to listen to the speaker as he had just started his message...At the same time keeping an eye out for Nick.....Sure enough Nick was walking towards me.. I nodded and was thinking, too bad that we couldn't stay for this service.......well Lord, You know........Expecting Nick to want to leave immediately, I was suprised when he asked......what's up......I said they are just about to start the evening service (they have an early Saturday evening service 6: 00 P.M.) he said, well, do you want to go in and listen to it... I said, you wouldn't mind...he said.....well. we're already here.. might as well.......I patted him on the shoulder and said thanks Nick......The usher seated us and we began to listen to the message....After quite a few minutes into the message, Nick nudged me and asked........is this going to be much longer.........no I said, just a couple of more minutes........sure enough the speaker next said.........'and for my final point'........I thought.........thank you Lord! What an unexpected way that God had blessed to have my friend Nick sit in on a service in its entirety. God knew my heart's desire and brought into fruition that blessing........Praise God from whom all blessing flow......Just as that service finished and I turned back on my cell phone..My son that we had been trying to pick up called and informed us that he was now ready for us to pick him up.........God's perfect timing! Nick had gotten to hear another message from God's word aside from my trying to win him into the kingdom......Pray for him please...............................Nick..........Thanks and have a great day............................................Gary James Smith
...

asphalt radiator skinned salutation
baked carbon implants old gulf station
restroom air freshener chemical
piney woods tractor trailer
...

D R I V E R S white of white line 10 to 6
shut off line this coach is TOLL MACHINE
motors white restroom equipped
while loading line for your convenience
buses white cigarette smoking
S A V E T I R E S line permitted
Keep wheels on white unless prohibited
Straight line un line by law
til passing over white we're getting
treadle before line there you're out of
cutting left white drinking intoxicants
P A S S E N G E R S line on coach prohibited
are met in the white on the
main waiting room line way
U P S T A I R S white express lane
SHELTER SHELTER SH line No Standing
Back in U.S.S.R. white W. 41 St.
chipped Martha, My line One Way
Dear chipped, as if white Tow
eaten line It is now 5:25 Away
Departures … for … white Zone
W O R K line Your Operator
A R E A white Safe Reliable
A H E A D line Courteous CHECK OUT
Free Baggage white PAY here
checking line LEFT THAN
No Tipping Required white and buses only
D.O.T. regulations line THIS LANE
require passengers white Season's
to stand back line Greetings
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House of Chrome line u u Mr. Milk
tinted green white v v Keeps your car
50¢ makeup line w w on the go Atlantic
cars only sleep white x x Cable TV
HOBOKEN green line y y 12 channels
THIS LANE sleep white z z Special Offer
$6.25 green line Xmas Xmas placemats
When you're out of Holiday House white Count your LEE
Schlitz line two lights are Change AS YOU
the same two lights white Keep Right TRAVEL
beer a a line Pass Left Only ASK US
To a smoker b b white Here she said
it's a c c line her is a tube from one
Ken d d white less cigar You to the
PARK AVE. e e line know how she other
UNION CITY f f white explained that but one
a whole g g line one to me Its a is more
new kind h h white cigar she said than the other
of bag i i line that hasn't got STOP LINE
GIVE THE j j white anything left STOP LINE
WASHED VODKA k k line to it de cinquante
DONT 8:45 l l white LETOM cinq
WALK Rose Garden m m line I cant swipe the
I like your skirt n n white great American
so do I o o line hunchback horses Get back
your sash is p p white where you were before
beautiful q q line The Rest
RIDGE DODGE r r white Get Back
Fiesta Banquet s s line LENOX—-
Room t t white toll booth no. 1
...

While you’re in the restroom
I eat your potato
and let the waitress take
your plate, remembering
...

A politician got caught playing around inside an airport restroom...
This little publicised episode brought about his own futuristic career's doom.

He said' I was just reaching down to the floor to pick up some toilet paper'...
...

Come on America!
There's nothing wrong
with saying it like it is.
The bullshit of being
...

Speeding to the airport for a flight,
Horrified upon arrival - prices tripled AGAIN just overnight!
Almost everything now has a fee,
Forget about anything being free?
...

His restroom stall wide stance is non plus -
As he imitated Troopus Erectus?
...